Chocolate Holy Crap Protein Bars


Dec 16
Protein Bar

These bars are packed with nutrition, low in sugars, and just damn tasty. We’ve been making bars like this for a long, long time, and the addition of the Canadian company Holy Crap cereals, we’ve made them even better and tastier. We’ll probably be adding some of Vital Proteins® Collagen Peptides soon. But for now, here is what we did. You’re going to love having this healthy snack in your fridge.

Ingredients (as organic as possible)

1 Cup Whole Oats (not the quick kind)
2½  Cups water
Pinch salt (Celtic Sea Salt)
Just under 1 teaspoon of Better Stevia
4 oz (by volume) Baking Chocolate
¼ Cup Holy Crap
¼ Cup Skinny B
¼ Cup Green Banana Flour
1 Packed Cup Dried Tart Cherries
3 Scoops Chocolate Whey Powder
½ Cup Chopped Macadamia Nuts
Heaping ½ Cup Natural Peanut Butter
1 Teaspoon Pure Vanilla
1 Tablespoon Molasses (optional)


Put the oats and water in a sauce pan and start to simmer for fifteen minutes. Break up the baking chocolate and add that, stirring often. Add the pinch of salt and just under a teaspoon of Better Stevia.

When you’re at ten minutes, add Holy Crap and Skinny B. Stir in for about two minutes. Then slowly add the rest of the ingredients mixing thoroughly.

Put a light coat of coconut oil/liquid lecithin on a shallow pan and spread this warm mixture out evenly in the pan. Refrigerate (without a top) to harden, then cut up the bars and eat as a great, filling snack. It’s low in carbs; most of the carbs are fiber, high in protein, with some omega-3. The macadamia nuts are anti-inflammatory, as are the tart cherry bits we found at our local co-op.

You can also line the pan with foil or baking parchment.

Chocolate Protein Bars

Still warm and ready to hop into the fridge.


We could have added Mangosteen Pericarp to this with no problem, but since the purpose is to keep blood sugar from spiking, we figured with all the fiber in this recipe, that would not be a problem.

There are tons of things you can add. We added the Green Banana Flour because it’s sticky and because it’s a resistant starch; feeds your gut flora. We could have also added inulin for that purpose.

The texture of the final product is like very thick fudge. It never really hardens, so you could chop up more nuts to add to the recipe. Or you could cut up dried prunes or even add goji berries. The sticky texture will allow for a vast imagination.

Related Reading

Why it is Impossible to Sweeten Chocolate

Wine & Chocolate

Chocolate — Would you believe it’s health food?