Making Edibles

I’ve got a medical marijuana certificate. Ironically, I can buy it from people selling it illegally. The laws are screwy.

Note: If you are going to make proper chocolate bars, you’ll need to read this: The Definitive Guide to Making Chocolate in Your Kitchen.

I’ve recently learned about this form of THC called “dabs.” Friends warned me about it. One told me she took a hit, held it in, and thought she’d gone blind for a moment. The room started to spin and she really really considered going to the emergency room, but relaxed and an hour later was able to stand up.

I did a little online research and found that, of course, there are no standards. How much THC is available depends on how well it’s made. And it’s not made in a lab at Northwestern University. So there’s that.

I learned that 25 milligrams is an average dose. So, having a pretty good math background, I decided to use a quarter ounce in my batch of 20 chocolate bars, which comes to 200 little squares, which would each contain 35.44mg of the dabs. Then I discovered that my kitchen scale is not accurate enough to weigh out a quarter ounce. It says it can. But every time I laid out the dabs, I got a different number. Obviously I’m not a dealer. They have the best scales.

So I eyeballed about a quarter of the amount I’d had.

Then I thought the best way to get it into my melanger (it was already running with nibs I’d added) was to melt a little cacao butter and melt the dabs in that.

Well, it melted . . . but just sat there on the bottom. So I tried stirring it to blend it in. I then licked the my stirring rod to taste it and, wow: it had a powerful marijuana taste.

I tried pouring it from the pan into my concoction, and then grabbed a spatula to get it all, but you know how that goes, so I ended up just getting another chunk of the dabs out of the container and tossed that into the melanger.

Then I had to add the sweetener and the only sweetener I use is BochaSweet. I poured in an entire pound, even though the recipe called for just 15 ounces. I figured I had to do something to take away that heavy marijuana flavor. Because I still had fresh bars in molds that I’d just made the other day, I decided to cut up some aluminum foil and wrap those, writing on them since I’d make four different versions: Celtic Sea Salt, Cayenne Peanuts, Espresso Beans, and Plain Dark (60%) Chocolate.

That took a while. In fact before I’d even finished, my cat came into the kitchen playing a mandolin. I hate mandolin music. I was hoping for maybe some Pachelbel or a quick version of In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida. I looked over at the sink, some sixty feet away at the time, and realized I needed to do dishes. But I couldn’t get out of my chair. The walls started expanding, ya know, breathing, and when I finally got up it took me 20 minutes to cross the kitchen to the sink. The floor seemed fall away with each step.

The hot water was too hot and the cold was too cold and somehow my shirt got soaked and it was dripping all over the floor. The dishes just wouldn’t stay still. The noise from the melanger started getting to me so I turned off my hearing aids. The Alexa thingy in the kitchen decided to tell me the weather in Agua Prieta for some reason, and I finally got the water turned off just as the cat brought me a live mouse to accompany him on piano.

I decided it was time to take a nap. I’d finish the edibles in the morning. I finally fell asleep when the tide went out . . . here in central Minnesota.  

Addendum

Boy oh boy did I sleep well.

I’m about to pull the chocolate bars out of the fridge on the porch. I know everything hardened well (because of the tempering, which is the most boring process in the production) because how hard it is in the pans. I’ve not soaked the pans yet, but the chocolate is as hard as it can get stuck to the pans and my handyman will love to scrape off the chocolate and nibble.

I’ve had time to try them and in spite of all the variables in this process, I’m pretty sure I’ve made something very close to the damn, sugary gummies I’ve been getting from the dispensary far far away.

I hate driving because I have this minor sleep disorder: I seem to sleep best with a steering wheel in my hands.

And all that sugar in those gummies! As it turned out, I’ve got 260 little chocolate squares, and today I’m wrapping them in special colored aluminum wraps.

I’m going to make the next batch a bit stronger because sometimes, with the flashbacks and paranoia of PTSD, stronger is needed.

Now, I’m going to finish our article on making chocolate so that anyone reading will have the basics to get started in their kitchen.

What I’ve Learned in This Process

So many variables, we went with the averages. The average amount of THC in dabs, etc etc.

We’re satisfied with the results and have learned not to lick the stirring stick while tempering.

The above recipe comes out at a minimum of 10mg THC per square.

We figured out our results this way, using the following recipe:

• 2.5 lbs nibs
• 15 – 16oz BochaSweet (sugar)

Adding a quarter ounce dabs to this and using molds with 10 squares per bar, comes out to between 10mg and 20mg of THC per square.

Adding one ounce of dabs to this recipe, and using the same molds, comes out to about 73mg of THC per square. Possibly more, again depending on the THC in the dabs.

The Second Recipe

We decided to shoot for a stronger version. Sometimes PTSD requires a bit more THC to get through a session of flashbacks, though we’d prefer the legalization of shrooms. I will post my shrooms recipe right after updating this.

The recipe is quite simple:

• 1.5 lbs nibs
• 9oz BochaSweet (sugar)
• 1 oz dabs

As I said, it’s pretty simple.

Must See Also

For a milk chocolate version of edibles with around 300mg of THC, check out our Shroom Chocolate Recipe.